[Opens with Italy and Germany, outside; Italy is holding a cat]

Germany: “COUNT OFF!”

Italy: “Just me!”

Germany: “It’s time to start our training. We’ll begin with the proper way to treat your subordinates.”

Italy: “Si, Kaiser*–I mean, yes, sir.”

Germany: “That’s good. First, remember that other people are humans: you have to treat them with both kindness and respect.”

Italy: “With kindness.” (to cat) “Right, Pooky**?”

Germany: “Sometimes, with discipline!”

Italy: “Discipline. Got it.” [begins squeezing cat’s paw] “Naughty Pooky, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty Pooky, Pooky’s really naughty…”

[cat licks Italy’s face]

Italy: “ARGH! That really hurts! Help me, Germany! It’s attacking me! Make it stop! Oh, it hurts so bad!”

Germany: “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, ITALY?!”

Italy (to cat): “What did I do to you?! Remember all the cat biscuits I gave you! Why are you hurting me with your little tonguey?!”

[Opening Title Sequence plays]

[Scene: Italy, Germany, and Britain; Britain has a German missile stuck in his head and is on the ground]

[Italy, laughing, and Germany walk away from Britain]

Italy: “That was great, Germany.”

Britain: “Damn them, both! If I wasn’t bested by that f[BEEP]ing German blitzkrieg, again!”

[Britain stands up, suddenly composed]

Britain: “I let them beat me without much of a fight, this time. But next time won’t be so easy. They don’t know it, but…I still have a top-secret weapon left, more powerful than conventional bombs, even.”

[Scene: Britain with fellow citizens in darkened room, all wearing black, hooded cloaks]

Britain: “Gentlemen, it is time to attack with black magic.”

[crowd groans in agreement]

Britain: [laughs] “Germany will learn the power of the dark side, which fears no man.”

[America suddenly opens door behind Britain to reveal himself]

America: “Britain! What are you doing?”

Britain: “I say, haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”

Random Cloaked Citizen (to Britain): “Where did you put the eye of newt?”

[Britain: “Hetalia!”]

[Scene: Britain at his house]

Britain: “Dammit! Since I was interrupted before, I’ll do it at my place this time. Our family’s magic is number one in the world. You’re no match for me, stupid America!”

[Britain stands in front of satanic markings he has drawn on the ground; he begins chanting]

Britain: “Santo, rita, mita, mayter. Ringo, jonah, teeto, marlin. Jacqueline, toyah, janith, michael. Dumbledora the explorer.”

[green light begins emanating from the satanic markings]

Britain: “Santo, rita, mita, mayter. Ringo, jonah, teeto, marlin. Jacqueline, toyah, janith, michael. Dumbledora the explorer. I have summoned you from the depths of Hell. SHOW YOURSELF!!”

[something begins to rise from the satanic markings; it is Russia’s head]

Russia: “You called?”

[Britain stands in stunned silence for a moment]

[Britain pushes Russia’s head back into the ground from whence it came]

Britain: “I wasn’t calling you!”

[Russia: “Hetalia!”]

[Scene: Britain and Russia]

Britain: “Why must you insist upon interrupting me all the time?! Do you have some kind of grudge against me?!”

Russia: “No! Ahhhhhhhh…wait a second. Yes, I do.”

Britain: “But my grudge is more important than your grudge! I won’t let you revengers interrupt us! NOW!! The British curse of food!! And bad tea!!”

[Japan shown cooking food in distance]

[Russia looks gleefully towards Japan]

Russia: “Ahhhhhhhhh…”

Britain (to Russia): “No! Stop! I’m cursing!”

Russia: “…ahhhhhhhhh…”

Japan: “Ow.”

Russia: “Ahhh…”

[Japan keels over in pain]

Japan: “My belly…”

Russia: “Hah.” (to Britain): “All right, ready to begin.”

Britain: [laughs nervously] “That’s some really spooky stuff there, chap.”

[Scene: pans over still of Russia; intimidating music plays in background]

{Text: “Russia’s Curse”: “During the Russo-Japanese War, Russia, together with the Orthodox Churches throughout the country, continuously cursed Japan. However, Russia was easily defeated. 18 years later, the Great Kanto earthquake struck Japan. Each time Russia cursed, Japan got put under that curse 18 years later. So, in Russia, it was said that God was 18 light years away. By the way, they say that ads saying ‘I will execute your curse’ even now openly appear in Russian newspapers…”}

Britain: “That’s freaky.”

[Britain: “Hetalia!”]

[Scene: France and Russia, outside Allie’s conference room]

France: “Hey, Russia.”

Russia: “Hmm?”

France: “I thought you might be mad with the way the meeting turned out.”

Russia: “No, not at all. I’m just happy to watch all of you talk stuff over. It’s very nice that everyone let me feel like one of the gang. Besides, I hide dark secret no one will guess because of my sweet face.”

France: “Ah, you are such a cute country when you were born and now you are all grown up.”

Russia: “An evil secret.”

France: “Huh?”

[purple aura surrounds Russia]

Russia: “When I look into all of your stupid faces, I think of how much fun it will be to pound them into dust.”

France: [quivering in background] “I knew it!”

[End credits play]

[End credits scene: America goes into his storage room]

{Text: “When I started cleaning my storage room on a whim, it brought back that memory.”}

[glimpses of upcoming scenes]

{Text: “Hetalia”: “America’s Storage Room Cleaning”}

[scene with Britain and America during American Revolutionary War]

America (to Britain): “You were so great.”

{Text: “Production is going smoothly!”}

* Kaiser: I tried to work out what Italy is saying here, but the closest I could get to was “Kaiser”, as in “German emperor/royal”. I’m not sure if this is what he is saying, but that in Italian, the ‘s’ is silent, or if it is not even in Italian. I’ve consulted the sub and I still cannot figure it out. Please tell me if you think you know.