October 20th. Satan pursues me from place to place. Oh ! how can
people dispute there being a devil ! If they underwent as much as I do
with his buffetings, they would dispute it no more. He throwing in his
fiery darts, my mind is harassed like punching the body with forks and
clubs. Oh that my Saviour would appear and sanctify my soul, and
deliver me from all within that is contrary to purity
23d. I spoke in Hardwick to about four hundred people, thence went
to Petersham and Wenchendon, to Fitchburgh, and likewise to Notown,
where God gave me one spiritual child. Thence to Ashburnham, where
we had some powerful times.
November 1st. I preached in Ringe, and a powerful work of God
broke out shortly after, though some opposition attended it ; but it was
very solemn.
Seme here, I trust, will bless God in the day of eternity that ever they
saw my face in this vale of tears.
In my happiest moments I feel something that wants to be done away.
Oh ! the buffeting of Satan ! if I never had any other hell, it would be
enough.
Thence proceeded to Marlborough, where our meetings were not in
vain.
Whilst I am preaching I feel happy. But as soon as I have done, I
feel such horror, without guilt, by the buffetings of Satan, that I am ready
to sink like a drowning man, sometimes to that degree that I have to
hold my tongue between my teeth to keep from uttering blasphemous ex-
pressions ; and I can get rid of these horrible feelings only by retirement
in earnest prayer and exertion of faith in God.
From Marlborough I went to Packersfield, and thence to Chesterfield,
where I had one seal of my ministry. Leaving New Hampshire, I
crossed into Vermont, and came to Marlborough.
Thus I continued round my circuit until I came to Belcher. A few
evenings previous, I dreamed that a minister came and reproved me
harshly, whilst I was preaching. In this place it was fulfilled ; for a
Baptist preacher accused me in the congregation of laying down false
doctrine. Presently a Presbyterian aflirmed the same likewise ; because
that I said a Christian would not get angry.
Here also appeared some little fruit of my labor, among which were
some of my distant relations.
About this time I visited Mary Spalding, who had been suddenly and
miraculously restored, as was said, from an illness which had confined
her to her bed about the space of nine years. Her conversation was so
profitable, that I did not grudge the journey of several miles to obtain it.
I found it to strengthen my confidence in God. The account was pub-
lished by a Presbyterian minister, with her approbation.
On the 29th, I met P. Wagar, which seemed to refresh my mind. I
had to take up a cross and preach before him. But, oh ! the fear of
man ! The next day I parted with him and went on my way.
My discouragements were so great, that I was ready to leave the cir-
cuit. I would think within myself, I will go to my appointment to-day
and then go off"; but being refreshed during the meeting, my drooping
spirits would be revived, and I would be encouraged to go to the next.
Thus it would be, day after day ; sometimes I was so happy, and the
times so powerful, I would hope " the winter was past and gone :" but
soon it would return again. Thus I went on, during the three first
months on the circuit ; at length, my discouragements being so great,
and inward trials so heavy, I concluded to go further into the country and
spend my time in the best manner I could, about the neighborhood where
my sister lived.
December 15th. I rode fifteen miles to Brattleborough. About this
tiyie, on my way, I took a severe cold on my lungs, and almost lost my
voice. The next day my friends advised me not to go to any other ap-
pointments, as they thought it presumption ; but I feeling impressed in
my mind, could not feel content to disappoint the people. Accordingly,
in the name of God, I set out in a hard snow-storm, over the mountains,
about ten miles, and a solemn time we had. The storm still continuing
to increase, the snow had now fallen about knee high, so that the moun*
tains were almost impassable by reason of snow, steepness, mud, and
logs ; the people here thought my life would be endangered by the falL
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M32 DOW'S JOURNAL.
mff of trees, or the extreme cold in the woods, as there was no house for
several miles, and the wind blew exceedingly hard. However, out I set,
relyinff upon the Strong for strength. The snow being driven m banks
more than bellv deep, I frequently was obliged to alight and stamp a
path for my horse ; and though I was much weaned and chilled, yet by
the goodness of God, I arrived at mv appointment, fourteen miles. We
had a good time, and I did not begrudge my labor. I believe these inaU
will be for my good, to qualify me for future usefulness to others : and a
secret conviction I feel, that if I prove faithful, God will carry me
through, and support me to see the cause that should ensue.
After my arrival at my sister's, I had thoughts of spending my time
princ***lly in study ; but feeling it my duty to call sinners to repentance,
f could not enjoy my mind contented without travelling in the neighbor-
ing towns, there' being no Methodists in this part of the world.
I went to Enfield several times during my stay, (being first invited by
a Universalian,) by which there seemed to be some good done. Here 1
received an invitation to fix my residence among them, as their stated
preacher. This was somewhat pleasing to nature, as by it I could have
ease and acquire wealth ; an elegant new meeting house being al^
ready ; but something within would not suffer me to comply.—Still feel-
intr it my duty to travel, I went into Canaan, Lyme, Dorchester, Orford,
Hebron, New Lebanon, Strafford, Tunbridge, Chelsea, Hartford, with
many other adjacent towns ; and the feather edge of prejudice was re-
moved, and some few were awakened and hopefully converted to God.
1797, June 4th. At Vershire in Vermont, I met with N. Snethen, who
informed me that he had seen J. Lee, and that I must come down to the
quarterly meeting; and, said he, "J. Lee disapproves of your travelling
into so many new places, and what will you do provided that he forbids
your preaching?" I told him it did not belong to J. L. or any other
man to say whether I should preach or not, for that was to be determined
between God and my own soul ; only it belonged to the Methodists to
say whether I should preach in their connection ; but as long as I feel
so impressed, I shall travel and preach, God being my helper ; and as
soon as I feel my mind released, I intend to stop, let people say what
they will. But, said he, » What will you call yourself? Tlie Methodists
will hot own you ; and if you take that name, you'll be advertised in the
public papers as an impostor." Said I, '' I shall call myself a friend to
mankind." "Oh!" said he, "for the Lord's sake don't; for you are
not capable of it—and not one of a thousand is ; and if you do you'll
repent it." I sunk into a degree of gloominess and dejection—and told
him I was in the hand of God, and felt submissive ; so I bade him fare-
well and rode ten miles on my way. The next day I rode fif\y miles to
Charlestown, where I overtook J. Lee, to my sorrow and joy * * * * *
He mentioned some things, particularly that if ever I travelled I must
get a new recommendation from my native circuit, or else not offer my.
self to conference again