Dear Evan Hansen
We've been way too out of touch
Things have been crazy
And it sucks that we don't talk that much
But I should tell you that I think of you each night
I rub my nipples and start moaning with delight
Why would you write that?
I'm just trying to tell the truth.
This needs to be perfect. These emails have to prove that we were actually friends. Just—I'll do it.
I've gotta tell you, life without you has been hard
Hard?
Has been bad
Bad?
Has been rough
Kinky!
And I miss talking about life and other stuff
Very specific.
Shut up!
I like my parents
Who says that?
I love my parents
But each day's another fight
If I stop smoking drugs
Then everything might be alright
Smoking drugs?
Just fix it!
If I stop smoking crack
Crack?!
If I stop smoking pot
Then everything might be alright
I'll take your advice
I'll try to be more nice
I'll turn it around
Wait and see
'Cause all that it takes is a little reinvention
It's easy to change if you give it your attention
All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be
Sincerely, Me
Are we done yet?
Well I can't just give them one email. I want to show that I was, like, a good friend, you know?
Oh my god.
Dear Connor Murphy,
Yes, I also miss our talks
Stop doing drugs
Just try to take deep breaths and go on walks
No.
I'm sending pictures of the most amazing trees
No!
You'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise
Absolutely not.
Dude, I'm proud of you
Just keep pushing through
You're turning around
I can see
Just wait and see!
'Cause all that it takes is a little reinvention
It's easy to change if you give it your attention
All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be
Sincerely, Me
My sister's hot
What the hell!
My bad.
Dear Evan Hansen,
Thanks for every note you send
Dear Connor Murphy,
I'm just glad to be your friend
Our friendship goes beyond
Your average kind of bond
But not because we're gay
No, not because we're gay
We're close, but not that way
The only man that I love is my dad
Well anyway!
You're getting better every day
I'm getting better every day
We're getting better every day
Hey hey hey hey!
'Cause all that it takes is a little reinvention
It's easy to change if you give it your attention
All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be
Sincerely
Miss you dearly
Sincerely, Me
Sincerely, Me
Sincerely, Me
Sincerely, Me