good evening, everyone.

i am not returning yet but i wanted to explain myself or just offer reassurance that i am alive.

as i mentioned previously, i decided to take a break due to personal reasons involving my life. i haven't been feeling too well for a couple of months and have had some issues outside of my health and well-being.
i am incredibly exhausted and have no way of resting, so i had to stop posting and most likely won't return until the end of the school year or maybe even after the first month of summer holidays.

i know it's a long time but i've been seriously struggling..

i have some physical health issues and i assume that my mental state isn't any better. i didn't like to talk about my personal issues so all i will vaguely reveal is that it's mostly involving my family, people i interact with or lack thereof and school.

as i was about to offer a rough time of when i might return, i have gotten sick. unlike me assuming it's a cold like usual, my mother, after three days, forced me to take my temperature. i have ~38 and between 2 and 3 degrees Celsius. i have been feeling even worse because of the sickness as if my body wasn't in a bad shape already.

i would love to return as i will be spending this week at home but i can barely do anything and should rest instead.

i have had chronic pain and fatigue for the past couple of years, sometimes problems with breathing (especially deep breaths) and my left knee dislocated twice. i will have surgery in march.

i'm not the most healthy person physically as you have seen and as i suspect i might have some other issues (as possibly having add or something similar) due to me having difficulties with more than my body, i don't think i am fit into focusing on more than i am already focusing on, which isn't much.

i am not over exaggerating when i say that sometimes i have trouble getting out of bed or that it feels like my bones are crushing me. it's a lot to reveal and possibly something i should keep to myself but i prefer to explain this one thing i am comfortable sharing.

i do come on here sometimes but i most likely might just respond to private messages and won't reply to much of anything.

also, i don't mean to be rude but it's getting old and annoying constantly seeing the question of why i speak english. it doesn't take much to look for an answer; it's thrice in my bio, twice in plain sight, it's also at the very end of my q&a, which i don't expect people to see.

all i want is some understanding as my life isn't as sunshine and rainbows as others might assume. i have my own issues as well and due to having my health neglected, i can feel my own self slowly being less and less able to do much of anything. and if i do, i am met with a huge amount of pain.

i am actively struggling and i know it won't get better anytime soon. i really wish i could come here daily but school is already draining as i have to walk up and down the stairs a lot almost everyday. pain pills don't help it.

i don't want to dive deeper into my private life than i already had as my family and school situations are something i don't wish to explain. my health issues should be enough of an explanation.

i know i already have been away for quite some time as my last post was on 20th of november but i am more than a profile on your phone. behind this is a person just like you.

no matter how formal i sometimes appear or attempt to be or other things, i still have my own life.

i really don't mean to be rude with this post, i just want to explain and hope for some understanding.

i might be away for longer than a few months, thanks for reading.

good night! (i might or might not come on later and might or might not delete this post later, depending on the response i will get.)

i'm tired.