Oh ! the buffeting of Satan ! if I never had any other hell, it would be
enough.
Thence proceeded to Marlborough, where our meetings were not in
vain.
Whilst I am preaching I feel happy. But as soon as I have done, I
feel such horror, without guilt, by the buffetings of Satan, that I am ready
to sink like a drowning man, sometimes to that degree that I have to
hold my tongue between my teeth to keep from uttering blasphemous ex-
pressions ; and I can get rid of these horrible feelings only by retirement
in earnest prayer and exertion of faith in God.
From Marlborough I went to Packersfield, and thence to Chesterfield,
where I had one seal of my ministry. Leaving New Hampshire, I
crossed into Vermont, and came to Marlborough.
Thus I continued round my circuit until I came to Belcher. A few
evenings previous, I dreamed that a minister came and reproved me
harshly, whilst I was preaching. In this place it was fulfilled ; for a
Baptist preacher accused me in the congregation of laying down false
doctrine. Presently a Presbyterian aflirmed the same likewise ; because
that I said a Christian would not get angry.
Here also appeared some little fruit of my labor, among which were
some of my distant relations.
About this time I visited Mary Spalding, who had been suddenly and
miraculously restored, as was said, from an illness which had confined
her to her bed about the space of nine years. Her conversation was so
profitable, that I did not grudge the journey of several miles to obtain it.
I found it to strengthen my confidence in God. The account was pub-
lished by a Presbyterian minister, with her approbation.
On the 29th, I met P. Wagar, which seemed to refresh my mind. I
had to take up a cross and preach before him. But, oh ! the fear of
man ! The next day I parted with him and went on my way.
My discouragements were so great, that I was ready to leave the cir-
cuit. I would think within myself, I will go to my appointment to-day
and then go off"; but being refreshed during the meeting, my drooping
spirits would be revived, and I would be encouraged to go to the next.
Thus it would be, day after day ; sometimes I was so happy, and the
times so powerful, I would hope " the winter was past and gone :" but
soon it would return again. Thus I went on, during the three first
months on the circuit ; at length, my discouragements being so great,
and inward trials so heavy, I concluded to go further into the country and
spend my time in the best manner I could, about the neighborhood where
my sister lived.
December 15th. I rode fifteen miles to Brattleborough. About this
tiyie, on my way, I took a severe cold on my lungs, and almost lost my
voice. The next day my friends advised me not to go to any other ap-
pointments, as they thought it presumption ; but I feeling impressed in
my mind, could not feel content to disappoint the people. Accordingly,
in the name of God, I set out in a hard snow-storm, over the mountains,
about ten miles, and a solemn time we had. The storm still continuing
to increase, the snow had now fallen about knee high, so that the moun*
tains were almost impassable by reason of snow, steepness, mud, and
logs ; the people here thought my life would be endangered by the falL